TODAY'S RANT

 

Hi everyone! Its been a long time since I last wrote anything. Writing here feels like coming back seeing my old friend. My blog used to be the site where I rant out everything without feeling any guilt. Life has been good before, which makes me not returning to my "old friend". Once everything start to go sideways, not as what I planned, then Im coming back finding my old friend. I havent updated anything about my current life, my studies, my daily activities which is a waste when I did not make any effort to share. Im thinking it would be good and memorable if I share, would make me feel like walking down the memory lane, whenever anything goes bad. It can be something to lift my spirit up.

I have a few things I don't quite feel right in my degree life. It's always the same problem coming over and over again. I dont feel like telling my friends because no matter how much I tell them about my problems, they couldn't even solve it. It's myself who should make the difference, who should solve it. But , I keep delaying, and found myself carrying this huge burden. It's mental torturing sometimes. Who knows it could be this serious right? Nahh, let me express myself here, so it could be something worth to turn and look back in the future to see how much Ive improved.

1) Im very shy. not to my closed ones ofc! I find it very difficult to talk to anyone I dont familiar with but, I have the intention on making more friends. I think it would benefit me a lot by having many friends. I couldnt stand being alone and lonely and being in the same circle. I feel like I havent improved anything since my highschool days. Everyday, when I feel like I havent talk enough, I would feel unproductive and sad and blaming myself over and over again. I dont know what topic I could ask others...Im not sure u know why I am acting like this. im thinking this is a post-traumatic condition of what ive went through in the past. I never cared of having less friends, but that one incident in school changed everything. I started to worry a lot, when i should not. Hoping for some help I could get to make myself friendly and able to mix with everyone.